Things you need to know.

2009-09-22T21:00:00.001-04:00

Afghani Girl 1985

Perfect child of a foreign land
Millions have looked into your eyes
Dark rimed jade of Persia
And wished for such beauty
Eyes of canvas teaching mystery
That would one day be a shadow
Over those innocent and lonely eyes

We wondered into your eyes
As tourists to a faraway world
We pondered what you saw
And knew so little of truth
You were only a cover
To be laid aside at the end of the day

Forgotten maybe for a time
Forgotten again for a maybe a year
I cannot ask of your smile
I cannot think you would grace
Us with a smile, and yet
Those eyes are an infinity
Of possibilities, of impossibilities.

Time has grown old
Giving two years for one
Time has been cold
Cruel to that face
Worn and withered
And yet do I not stare
As millions again look upon those eyes
With little surprise, that you are still
Fair, and sweet, and wise.

2009-08-13T23:51:00.001-04:00

2009-04-15T00:40:00.002-04:00

"like waves in a trailer park, crashing on the aluminum awning..

there goes a trash can.."

It's Good to be President

2009-01-22T14:44:00.005-05:00

We are all proud of our new President. But what is Obama proud of?

Vice President Joe Biden says "WOW this is a big moment in the history of the White House, not since the days of Bill Clinton have we seen anything like this? I am just stunned by the enormity of the man, I just wish Clevon Little was here to see this."

Obama's Bailout Hits Close to Home

2009-01-08T15:31:00.000-05:00

With the Government handing out money like a drunk rich uncle, everybody and their brother or half-brother is getting in line.

That’s right, Obama’s half brother, George Hussein Onyango Obama, or as his friends call him Little O, thinks that he is entitled to a little Government stimulus. (Sorry Mr. Clinton, not that kind of stimulus.) With the Government giving out nearly 450 Million dollars thus far, and with President Elect Obama proposing another $700 Million give away, Little O, who lives on $24 a year thinks it’s time for Big Brother to share the wealth as promised.

But the outlook for the 26 year old Little O, is not good. Big Brother, who says that he will stimulate the economy with massive Government spending, including 42 Million to the city of Chicago for voter registration of local residents of the Great Lakes Cemetery, that “We can’t just be handing out money to every Tom, Dick and Onyango, beside he would just spend it on Bling”

When asked why he thought he needed a million dollar bailout, Little O corrected us and said that he was just asking for $4. “I am hoping to a buy a pair goats, I could drink the milk and sell the offspring, I could clear $15 maybe $18 a year!” Said Little O dreamily. "I'm very, very hungry"

But Obama the Elder was quick to retort “Oh sure that how it starts, some money for goats and the next thing you know, BAM! He wants a roof on his house or indoor plumbing. We are just not going to bankroll that kind of lifestyle.” He further added “…that the only way to jump start this economy is to overwhelm the CEO’s of our corporations with enough cash that they will turn a profit, regardless of how poorly they run their company's”

And Little O’s parting comments at hearing the final word from his big brother "...uppedy mother fucker..."

Spreading rumors for fun and profit

2008-10-08T11:15:00.004-04:00

What do Hitler..........

And Obama have in common?

Thats right you guessed it! The both only have one ball! One ball I tell you!

How do I know this? I'll tell you in a minute.

So this means so many bad things for Obama, firstly he is now mostly gay, and walks to the left, it's a balance issue.

Then we get into the problem of guilt by association. So now you will think, Obama, Hitler, one ball, fag, Nazi Community Organizer. See he has quite a problem here. You can't be President if people think you are running around yelling Sig Hiel, with just one ball. Very big image problems here for The O Man.

How do I know all this? I made it up of course, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Thinking about Syd

2008-07-04T21:51:00.003-04:00

I think how you are remembered by your friends says a lot about you as a person. Nothing lasts forever, except for herpes of course. But they still remember Syd and the parts of him that were great.

Syd Barrett

2008-07-03T13:33:00.002-04:00

Syd just kind of seem to have wondered away from life. As the rest of the world around him took off at the speed of sound, Syd slowly, just stopped being a part of it. He wondered away, much like you would walk off from looking at a painting in a museum, and walk down the hall to look at something else.

So I guess that makes him insane if he is not looking at the same picture the rest of us are.

I wonder what he saw...

Yet another reason why you should not vote for Hillary

2008-04-09T10:33:00.004-04:00

One of the most profound reasons you should not vote for Hillary, is, you guessed it, Bill.

It's a shame what he did to Monica Lewinsky. She was just a young girl that was dazzled by a powerful man, and she made a terrible error in judgment. (never blow a married man in his office, get a room in a motel by the interstate, use the name E. Spitzer) and she paid the price for her mistake, but as usual Bill and Hillary threw her to the wolves to save their own careers.

But that is in the past, this is now. I have uncovered a new photo proving that Bill is again up to his old tricks (if indeed he ever stopped) but now we know that he is philandering with the knowledge, permission and HELP! of Hillary.

See below, Bill and Buddy, with Hillary helping them out. Disgusting!

Of course poor Buddy is going to be left out in the cold and made to look like the villian in all of this. Bill is denying that this ever happen.

"I did not have sexual relations with that dog, Buddy"

Why we love her

2008-03-25T15:06:00.005-04:00

Hillary Clinton

Constipated since 1996
For the sake of good taste I have cropped the bottom half of this picture. OOOOO Dookeee

A little help for Hilldog

Arrested!

2008-03-24T15:05:00.004-04:00

At long last the FBI has arrested and placed in custody the infamous, Harald "Big Daddy" Rollins. Notorious leader of the East Cost gang "The Pimps"

Pictured above is Big Daddy and one of his most famous "girls" Wanda "Vaseline Fist" Norris. Who was killed in a 2004 car accident on the way to Sonic to purchase for Big Daddy a Large order of Onion Rings "he likes the grease" Wanda said on her death bed.

Big Daddy was known as the "Pimps" Pimp. He epitomized "pimpnees" with his always stylish dress and the flowery language of the street. No one but Big Daddy, recalled long time friend Ashy Larry, could make "Yo yo yo bitch" sound like poetry the way Daddy did.

Rollins was arrested to on charges of conspiracy to obstruct justice, obstruction of justice, misconduct in office, perjury in a court proceeding and two counts of perjury other than in a court proceeding.

At long last this minis is behind bars.

CORRECTION!!!

Pictured above is Kwame Kilpatrick

Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, a one-time rising star and Detroit's youngest elected leader, was charged Monday with perjury and other counts after sexually explicit text messages contradicted his sworn denials of an affair with a top aide.

Sorry Detroit! My mistake, he sure looks like a pimp.

What a waste!

2008-03-12T12:15:00.003-04:00

Spitzer or swallows!

Eliot Spitzer, the former Governor of New York, (as of about 45 minutes ago) screwed up royally. So I say it again “What a waste!” Not of brilliant political career, but of $4300!

That’s right $4300 for an hour with a prostitute! I’ll say it again, “What a waste of $4300”

I am not really bothered that the man went to a prostitute, that’s between him and his wife. (Good luck with that Eliot) I am bothered that a supposedly smart man would pay that kind of money for some pussy. I’m sure that $4300 buys you a very beautiful and talented women, but what can a $4300 whore do for you that a $100 whore can’t do just as well. Or $25 if you are not picky about the amount of teeth she has.

So let’s look at this in a quantifiable way. Beside being able to get laid 43 separate times (or 172 depending on preference of dental hygiene) what else could Spitzer have gotten for $4300.

$4300 buys you….a

Sony 48’ Plasma TV

2001 Mercury Sable

4300 beers during happy hour

An Ipod and 4100 downloads from ITune (or 4100 free songs if you pirate them, which I recommend) leaving $4100 for your hooker money, which I recommend.

Or 1433 gallons of gas, no 1983 gallons, no 1834 gallons of gas….I give up, just walk.

You could give the $4300 to the UN Children’s Defense Fund, which will help keep girls in Third World Countries from becoming prostitutes when they grow up. A noble cause. Of give them $300 and keep the rest for your hooker money, which I recommend.

You could donate it to the Hillary Presidential Campaign, but I feel sure some of the money will be used to buy Bill some hooker action, which I recommend, as it will keep him about of trouble.

Or you could give the $4300 to me, I could spend it on a hooker, and post the pictures here on my blog, which I recommend.

See there are a lot of wiser ways to spend $4300. To bad Sptizer never asked me.....

The $25 option.....maybe you should spend the extra $75.

Thanks to Billy for all of the ideas and know how about hookers.

New Posh

2008-03-07T15:11:00.005-05:00

I don't have anything particularly interesting to say. Or no advise for poor beleaguered Rob, except please stop dating plants.

I just wanted to share with you this new picture of Vitoria Beckham. If you look closely I think you can see a nipple. I can.

In other news, Chelsea Clinton says "I like spending my weekends laying around the house and eating squash threw a picket fence.

Lets Help Rob Out

2008-03-04T13:53:00.006-05:00

Robs Father In-law dropped by his house last night on his way to Florida, and announced that he was going to stay a few days. Wow what a considerate guy.

So I thought that I would take it upon myself to help Rob out of this uncomfortable situation. Here are a few suggestions.

When trying to remover an unwanted in law from the house I find that embarrassing them as a good tactic.

Tactic One: Your Daughter and Sex.

“Dick, your daughter is a screamer you know”

“What do you mean?”

“Loves the dirty talk and a little ass slapping too”

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

“Yep one fine ass on that filly, gets that from her mom I guess”

“By the way how long did you say you were staying”?

Tactic Two: Your Daughter and Sex and the Occult.
(This works great for religious in-laws)

“Hey Dick, I need a little favor”

“Sure thing Son. (as he pats you on the head)

“This is “our” special night if you know what I mean, could you get lost for about an hour?”

Puzzled “An hour, what do you need as hour for”?

“Well it takes about 15 minutes to draw the pentagram on the kitchen floor and summon the demons and another 10 to slaughter the jackal. That gives me about half an hour or so for the demons and I to ravage your sweet child, then clean up the mess. And let me tell you demons make a hell of a mess, but are never around when you need someone to mop up the blood or pick up the entrails…….Better make it two hours.”

“By the way how long did you say you were staying”?

Tactic Three: Your Daughter and Sex and German Shiza Movies

“Hey Dick do you speak German?”

“Yes a little”

“Great, how do I say “Bitch, you will suck it, until I tell you to stop””

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh on the weekend we like to play a little game I like to call “Let’s make German Shiza Movies” and my knowledge of Germen is limited. You don’t know how embarrassing it is to have your wife chained up in the shower, pouring canola oil all over her naked body (Canola, because we are green) and yelling at the top of your lungs in German and forget how to say cocksucker”

“By the way how long did you say you were staying”?

I hope that in some small fashion I have been able to help Rob and his lovely wife. I know having unwanted in-law around the house can add pressure on any relationship. My solutions are simple and direct and will work in almost any case (assuming that your father in-law is not Charles Manson)

I hope that Dick has a pleasant visit with his daughter and her husband Rob the Porn Star.

“By the way how long did you say you were staying”?

I am outraged!

2008-01-23T11:27:00.001-05:00

BEIJING (Reuters) - Chinese police have shut down a Web site selling real-time porn and arrested 33 people, state media said on Wednesday, part of a campaign which led to the shut-down of 44,000 Web sites and arrest of 868 people last year.

Horrible just horrible! Just more in the ever mounting evidence that China is not the kind of free country they try to pretend to be. They like to show the world the face of a new and vibrant economy, with a billion happy workers. But the old habit of suppressing the peoples right is a hard one to break. Remember Tiananmen Square? Well this is even worse! Then they were just trying to prevent a revolution, and that only hurt the Chinese (like we really care) but with this latest act of suppression they are effecting the entire world!

A lot of us, *cough* I mean a lot of people, rely on porn from Asia for fun and entertainment. These jackbooted, short, yellow little thugs are preventing us from excising our God given right to look at porn on the internet. How dare them! Many of us have now had to move on to the substandard Indian market for porn. And let me tell you it's horrid. (A hint ladies, SHAVE! please SHAVE!) But let me tell you, Gandhi-Porn, is just not the same as a butt load of naked Chinese chics looking for a better standard of living by showing me their tits for $5.95 a month or $12.50 for three months.

Once again this is a clear indication that Red China is giving me Blue Balls

Gandalf is Working for Al-Qeada

2007-12-21T14:51:00.000-05:00

Jamil el-Banna the Gray
___________________________________________________________
When I saw this picture I thought this guy was Gandalf.

Turns out he is a suspected terrorist.

From the Daily Mail
Two suspected al-Qa'eda operatives released from Guantanamo Bay have walked free from court although they are still wanted in Spain on terrorism-related offences.

One of the men, who is accused of distributing extremist propaganda produced by Osama bin Laden, had half of his £50,000 bail surety met by the actress Vanessa Redgrave.

Jamil el-Banna
Redgrave met half of Jamil el-Banna's bail

Jamil el-Banna, 45, who was said during a brief court hearing to have helped run a cell called the Islamic Alliance, recruiting people to fight jihad in Afghanistan and Indonesia, returned to his London home tonight.

Is there a connection between al-Qaeda and Angmar? You decide.

Archbishop says nativity 'a legend'

2007-12-20T15:03:00.000-05:00

The Archbishop of Canterbury said yesterday that the Christmas story of the Three Wise Men was nothing but a 'legend'.

Dr Rowan Williams has claimed there was little evidence that the Magi even existed and there was certainly nothing to prove there were three of them or that they were kings.

Dr Williams said: "Matthew's gospel says they are astrologers, wise men, priests from somewhere outside the Roman Empire, that's all we're really told. It works quite well as legend."

The Archbishop went on to dispel other details of the Christmas story, adding that there were probably no asses or oxen in the stable.

He argued that Christmas cards which showed the Virgin Mary cradling the baby Jesus, flanked by shepherds and wise men, were misleading. As for the scenes that depicted snow falling in Bethlehem, the Archbishop said the chance of this was "very unlikely".

An open letter to Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury.

Hey Doc, thanks for fucking it up for the rest of us. Will you soon be visiting local day care centers and telling kids Santa is not real?

It's seems obvious that you don't have a fun bone in your body. The Nativity a Legend? No shit, asshat. But a part of the fun of Christmas is the stories that surround it. We all know that 75% of the story in nothing more than oral tradition, but we like it that way, and there is no need for you to go and shove it in our face that the real event was different than the way we all like to remember it.

For Gods sake you are a man of the Cloth, you would think that during this time of year you would embrace the things that bring us all closer together, and a shared tradition does that better than anything else.

We all know that you are "technically" correct, but you, who should know better, miss the entire point. If we want to add little fictions to the Nativity, so that it seems more real or more comforting or appealing to children, then that only serves to bring us closer to Christ.

Here is your Christmas present.

What Does Santa Do on the 26th?

2007-12-20T15:01:00.000-05:00

HER

Merry Christmas

It's Hard to Hide Good News!

2007-12-20T14:57:00.000-05:00

Risky Sex Returns Syphilis to Europe

LONDON (AP) - Syphilis is back: The sexually transmitted disease long associated with 19th Century bohemian life is making an alarming resurgence in Europe.

"Syphilis used to be a very rare disease," said Dr. Marita van de Laar, an expert in sexually transmitted diseases at the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control. "I'm not sure we can say that anymore."

Who should win the Heisman and why or Why I want to be a Quarterback

2007-12-06T13:57:00.000-05:00

The Heisman race is basically down to two people Darren McFadden, and Tim Tebow. Now I could go into a ton of stats here, TD's, yard's gained, passing, running etc. But lets skip all of that and get to what is really important.

Considering the amount of press coverage this event will have, I think we need to keep in mind what we will be looking at. We will see the winner and his friends and family all over the TV, newspaper and internet for weeks to come. So rather than go by accomplishment on the field, let looks at off the field conquest. Let pick a winner based on what "I would like to see"

So lets think, what would "I" like to see......well that's not hard to figure out....."I" would like to see big jugs.

So the WINNER OF THE 2007 HEISMAN is TIM TEBOW and HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!

I think she is very deserving.

One more just for fun.

Nobody Called Me

2007-11-29T11:55:00.001-05:00

How not to start a conversation at your childs birthday party

2007-11-21T10:41:00.001-05:00

Ok there was this one eyed hooker from Russia....
Hey look you can see my erection really clearly in these pants....
I don't know about you, but I would pay good money to have sex with a nun......
Look at the tit's on that MILF, I wonder if that is my present.....
The football game is on, when are these little fuckers leaving....

Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Vote for Dennis Kucinich

2007-11-07T11:20:00.001-05:00

I was going to do a lot of research about Kucinich, and point out what a retard he is and why we should not vote for him. Because I know you all rely on me for your political opinions. Especially Rob who would vote for Hitler if he thought Adolf would plant more trees and save those polar bears.

But to tell you the truth, and remember that a picture is worth a thousand words, (thus 250 words are worth ¼ of a picture), when I came across this picture I just didn’t need to say anything more.

Enough said.

But then I saw a picture of Mrs. Kucinich, and it started me to thinking. If this pasty skinned demented old fucker, could get a women like this, then maybe, just maybe he would make a hell of a President. If he could talk this women into getting naked with him, then getting the Palestinians’ and the Israelis to make peace should be a breeze.
How Tall is he? 4'2"?
And

This women is HOT! So there most be more to Dennis that meets the eye.

Also, when voting remember Kucinich’s campaign slogan “Strength Through Peace.” And as we all know the bullies in the school yard are not beating the crap out of the peaceful kids, they are always picking on kids that are bigger than them and have a reputation for kicking people’s asses that fuck with them.

A Modest Proposal

2007-11-01T15:16:00.000-04:00

As you may know Muslims do not show any picture of Muhammad the Messenger of God (what a great title, I’m so jealous) I think this is a big mistake, but hey, it’s their religion, they can do what ever they want as long as they are not bombing me. (see my other post relating to sex and terrorism)

But back to the point at hand, pictures of Big Mo, it’s a mistake not to show him, look.

See! What a great looking dude, this guy is the poster boy for “cool” Look at that neat hat, and that groovy bath robe he is wearing. Also it’s hard to see but the home boy is wearing Crocs, can’t get much hipper than that. So if I was incharge of recruiting for Islam I would have Big Mo’s face plastered on the side of every bombed out building in the Middle East. But to each his own, I just offer it as a friendly suggestion.

But back to my proposal, since they do not want to show pictures of Muhammad TMOG (love that title) this is a solution that will please everyone. Rather than showing a blasphemous picture of Muhammad the Hipster, what about this picture.

Muhammad Ali, now he is one great dude.

Are you ready for Halloween?

2007-10-29T13:12:00.000-04:00

Here is the mask I'm going to wear!

By the way Hillery, it's called dental hygiene, check into it.

As Count Floyd would say....

"Ooooooh Scary!"